Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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