Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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