Ambien. No doubt about it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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