I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
