It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
