She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
