omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
