I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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