Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
