Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
where are you?
Hypothermia
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
