We're like a lot better than the average bears
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
