i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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