Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
