I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
