i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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