if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
