I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
