I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
