If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
