Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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