you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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