i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Come share oat with me in your robe
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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