I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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