One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
