Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
