I CAN MOONWALK!
the condom got lost in my hair
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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