I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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