Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
