My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
