Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
