About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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