Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
