she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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