Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
