He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
