Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
