i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
