my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
