Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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