cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
