Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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