thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
