Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have aggressive nipples.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
