I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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