Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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