You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She needs sedatives and a leash
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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