"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
