I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
