GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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