Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
