im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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