I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
