he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
