I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
nutella sex= disaster
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
