I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
