yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize