Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
