I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
