No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
