@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
