My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
