Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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