You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
