Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
