Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize