Cold hands, warm shart.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
