If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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