I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
