just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
