we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
