My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize