Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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