i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
