your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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