i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
