I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize